is it worth it?

I sometimes feel like giving up, I poured my heart and what little money I've earned into music. I think 'why do I do it?' I ain't earning a living out of it. I've done charity gigs, I have worked in cover bands but this never pays for the time and devotion I seem obsessed with.

But then I think, what little I have achieved meant something to a few people in my life. My Father always told me take a callous look on life, yet when he talked to me about his worries of having cancer I felt his fear. I can't take a callous look on my life as I am still learning and I can't switch off my emotions. My Father always said I have a talent with music and should stick with it, parents can be supportive when you really need it.

It's just hard sometimes when I sit in this little flat just outside of Newcastle, England to feel positive. A year ago I was attacked by a gang of youths, there were 15 arrests but only 4 got properly charged. I was lucky that the CCTV cameras caught the footage. I now live a paranoid existence, I feel out of place and out of time. Why is there no support for people who want to be creative and fight off the demons of the past? I want to entertain and share my passion. I don't ask for much, just the freedom to get through my problems and work on my dreams.

Why do I do what I do? The answer is because it is part of who I am. I love music and music makes me feel good. The day I lose hope is the day that I can't class myself as a human being anymore.